We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
