I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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