My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My nipple is on Facebook.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
