Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
