I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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