yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
