wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
