i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I supernannyed him into submission
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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