remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
