I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize