Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize