She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
