After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
