today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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