Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
