Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This house was built for laser tag.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??