Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings