I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.