I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm like, not good at living.