After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...