He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.