I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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