I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
