Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
