Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
