May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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