you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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