You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
