Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
