Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
