If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
