I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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