If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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