I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
