Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
