Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The air was thick with penises
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
