but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
