All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sorry about my life...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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