At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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