I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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