i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you inspire me to be a worse person
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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