is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
