The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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