ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
