Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
