Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
