Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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