Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
