I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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