I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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