Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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