i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
