Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
