I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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