So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
