There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
