PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
