i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
