I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
