i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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