she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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