My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
