I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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