piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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