Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
