I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
