those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
