dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
