Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
