This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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