meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
