Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
