Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
