my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
