Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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