I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
pop tarts are not kleenex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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