I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Boobs speak an international language.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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