oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
