does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
