are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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